This week in Melissa Taylor’s Online Bible Studies we studied chapter 10: “Broken for Breakthrough,” in the book “Stressed-Less Living by Tracie Miles. As one of our blog hop topics, we were asked to write about a breaking point in our life. For mine, I’m going to share with you all a previous post of mine that I had written last August, just a few months before discovering Proverbs 31 and the online Bible studies. I think that through it you will see that it was no coincidence that I “stumbled across” these studies just as they were getting ready to begin the “Let. It. Go.” book. At that time, I was definitely at a breaking point in my life – struggling with physical health problems, fear, lingering post-partum depression, stress-eating, relational and family stress, and on top of all of that, I had fallen away from my close, daily relationship with our Lord. It was also only a couple months after my Mom had open-heart surgery to repair a birth defect that had gone undiagnosed and as a result had almost killed her…just one month after I originally wrote this post, she died…God turned me back to him knowing how much I was going to need him just a few short weeks later. God is good.
(from August ’12)
I spent much of my life struggling to hide and stuff down the pain that I felt, so that on the outside, I'd look strong and unbreakable; but it was all a front. Truth was, inside, my pain and sorrow continually cut like a knife, destroying me slowly one tiny piece at a time. I did not always know the Lord, nor have I always understood that my daily struggles in the world could be healed through His Word. While sometimes I find myself briefly falling back into my old habits, the Lord is always there to pick me up and remind me of His truths...
This morning He gave me an image that I’d like to share with you. While I don’t feel that I’ve done it justice, my prayer is that by barring the hidden parts of myself to you today, you too will be blessed and can be made new by the power of our Lord Jesus Christ.
...and as I'm crouched here in the corner,
Covering my face with shame,
My whole body shaking,
With tears, and years of pain...
...it slowly flows in all around me,
A light that fills the room,
Over-taking the darkness,
Over-taking every crevice of my gloom.
I feel a hand on my shoulder,
And then another under my arm,
As Jesus quietly whispers,
"I am here to release you from your harm."
I whimper as He lifts me,
Gently up to stand,
He grabs my chin, raises my head,
My cheek now resting in His hand.
"Will it hurt?" I ask,
Still unable to look Him in the eye.
"Yes, but I am with you,"
Is His calm and quick reply.
He then takes one of His hands,
And while placing it on my heart,
Says, "This will be your new beginning,
This will be a whole new start."
Then I feel His other hand,
Begin to wrap firmly 'round the knife,
A whole new panic rises up,
Again I'm filled with sickening strife.
In response I move my hands to His,
And weakly I dare say,
"Wait Lord, I'm not ready!
Is there not an easier way?"
"You are," is His reply,
His voice calm, His voice steady.
"It's time to let go now,
This burden is too heavy."
No longer able to hold it in,
Now weeping my hands drop,
"Will you stay until it's over,
Will you help the pain to stop?"
"My dear child," Jesus says to me,
His hand still on my heart,
"Here is where I'll always be,
Letting go is the hardest part."
"Just do it then,"
I'm barely able to get out,
After all the pain and all the fears,
I'm ready to let go of all my doubt.
He grabs the knife and out He pulls,
I gasp as it is done,
I cannot believe the relief I feel,
I'm finally free, I have won!
While the world will tell you that you are alone, no one understands and no one cares, His Word tells you:
“I will never leave you nor forsake you.”-Jos 1:5
“Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit.”-Psalm 147:5
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”-1 Pet 5:7
So the question now is - which will you choose to believe? Whether you have never gave your heart to the Lord before, or you’re just struggling to hand over to Him a part of you that needs healing, I pray that today is the day you will choose His Word for your life.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”-Mt 11:28-29