Thursday, May 30, 2013

A Gift From Above

“You know what I long for, Lord; you hear my every sigh…” (Psalm 38:9)

As I opened my eyes to the morning light streaming through my bedroom blinds, I quickly realized it was just a dream.  With the name “Rebecca Grace” still ringing in my ears, I re-closed my eyes and, in hope of falling back into that glorious state, began thinking back through the visions that had just moments before played out in my mind while slumbering so peacefully – visions that had filled my whole being with a happiness that had brought forth real tears of joy -tears in which were now trickling slowly down my cheeks. 

While dabbing at those tears with the sheets, the light from the room in my dream filled my mind once more.  Its soft white glow, like that which streaks through a wall of clouds in the sky when the sun’s moved behind them, lit the rooms surroundings, giving all the details and the edges of it that familiar, fuzzy, dream-like appearance.  Though I was wide awake this time, all the contents of the room again sprang into view - from the stark white color that seemingly poured over everything from floor to ceiling, to the two woman, who were also clothed in white, that were moving quietly but purposefully about the room preparing.  Then there was me on a bed, where I had sat peacefully, comfortably, and silently in the dream, watching and wondering just who these two women were and what were they preparing for – two questions for which I now already knew the answers to.  They were the two Mary’s…the two from the Bible…the two who were with Jesus through His crucifixion on the cross, and they were there to deliver a baby…for me…a baby girl who they’d call Rebecca Grace as they’d handed her into my arms.

Again, tears welled up in my eyes and spilled over, only this time I let them freely flow.  Opening my eyes, I quietly peeled back the covers and tiptoed over to my desk.  I had to know.  Why Rebecca Grace? ...

I grabbed my Bible bag and the two books of baby names that’d I’d kept after having my daughter, and went out to the living room so as not to wake my sleeping husband so early on his day off.  Eagerly, I plopped down on the couch and turned to “Rebecca” in one of the books and read: “Tied, knotted”…not at all what I had expected, but I read on…“Biblical; Rebekah, noted in the Genesis account as a maiden of beauty, modesty and kindness, became the wife of Abraham’s son Isaac”…uh huh, I already knew…“See also Becky”…hmmm, now that made me stop and ponder.  Then I opened the other book and read: “(Hebrew) joined together,” and a deep sigh escaped my lips.  “Wow Lord, thank you!”

“I will exalt you, O LORD, for you lifted me out of the depths…weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” ~Psalm 30:1a; 5b

This was me just four mornings ago.  This was me just three mornings after sharing here about my Goliath – the giant born from the fear that engulfed me during the long and complicated birth of my daughter.  This was me after having just opened up my heart to the Lord, asking for His strength to help me conquer my giant…asking for His peace to fill my heart…and asking for His healing touch that it so desperately needed.  (to read that post, click here )

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” ~Mathew 7:7-8

Here I was, like Tracie writes on page 65 of “Stressed-Less Living,” needing “God to heal the broken pieces of my heart, weaving a soft thread of his scarlet peace through the frayed edges of my life,” and he delivered just that, through a dream of all things!  Not what I, nor likely what anyone would expect, but then the Lord does declare, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” (Isaiah 55:8), so I guess I shouldn’t have been too surprised that he’d answered in a way that I was not expecting. 

For four years I had been pleading with the Lord to heal my body only to be left in my frustration wondering why he wasn’t moving in my circumstance.  The morning of the dream he answered that “why” that had been screaming through my heart, mind, and soul all those long years.  He brought forth a memory of the time in which I told about in my last post – the time when my husband and I were broke, about to have our first child, and not knowing how we were going to pay our next month’s rent or what we were going to do.  For months I had been praying for God to provide my husband with steady work so that we could stay where we were at, but to no avail.  Then, as we were packing up the last of our things, still with no plan or answer, my prayers changed to asking the Lord what he would have us do and where he’d have us go.  It was then, when I stopped telling the Lord how to answer my prayers, and began instead asking for His will, that he finally answered. 

“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.” ~1 John 5:14

Just days before we had to be out of the rental, my husband received a completely unexpected phone call from an old boss of his, asking if he happened to be available and interested in helping him out with his next job.  He hadn’t worked for this guy nor even lived in the same state for six years!  Again, not at all an answer that I expected!  It is truly amazing how the Lord will move when you let go of your desired outcome and open up your heart and mind to His will and His endless possibilities!  A lesson I had apparently forgotten in my new struggles, but one I’m thankful to have been reminded of with His unconditional love and unlimited patience for me.

“God’s heart longs for us to embrace the desire to be rescued by his hope…” ~Tracie Miles, “Stressed-Less Living,” pg. 165

Every time I’ve opened myself up to God’s possibilities, I’ve been left in awe at how he pulls together even the smallest of details in our lives.  This dream has been no different.  While I can’t say that I completely understand its purpose that it is to have in my life now and even possibly in my future, I can see the significance in many of the details that have been woven there.  For example, how the short form of Rebecca is Becky, the name of the friend I wrote my legacy post on, who played a significant role in leading me to Christ. (To read that post, click here )  Then there’s the meaning of the name Rebecca Grace: “joined together” with “grace.”  It’s as if God is confirming to me that he joined Becky and I together to reveal to me his grace, and also that he is now joining together the details of my struggles in His grace. 

Then there was the fact that the women who were by my side caring for me and comforting me in the dream, were the very same women who had been there near Jesus during his most difficult hours.  This is a detail that didn’t go unnoticed because, as I shared in my last post, I was in labor from Good Friday through Easter, and had correlated the timing and our sufferings in my mind.  Through the dream, it feels as if God is showing me that he had sent them to me to be near me during my most difficult time as well. 

This dream has not only felt like a message from God, but it has also renewed my hope that perhaps I will be given another child someday, maybe by birth or perhaps even by adoption.  Either way, I can now think of that possibility without the overwhelming presence of fear.  Instead what comes to mind is the dream that He’s given me.  It is now also what comes to mind even when I think back to my real experience.  It’s as if the Lord has taken those haunting images, sounds, and feelings from my labor and replaced them with the holy presence of His peace, overriding them with the visions from that dream.

There are some who might be thinking, or perhaps might even say, “But nothing has changed.  It was just a dream.”  This is true when taking into consideration my physical struggles – nothing there has been changed through this dream, but the lesson that God has been teaching me through the book “Stressed-Less Living” – the one that has had the biggest impact so far, is that God cares more about changing my heart than he does changing my circumstances. 

“The LORD does not look at the things man looks at.  Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” ~1 Samuel 16:7b

Like Tracie said on page 65, I didn’t need “a cure for the problem but a cure for my heart as I dealt with the problem in his strength and under the refuge of his love,” and the Lord has accomplished just that through this beautiful and simple dream.  Through it, He has forged out all fear and poured in His peace instead – “the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,” (Philippians 4:7), and that my friends is truly a gift from above and progress worth reporting!

“I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.” ~Psalm 34:4

“He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.” ~Psalm 147:3

“A heart at peace gives life to the body.” ~Proverbs 14:30a

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” ~Proverbs 13:12


  1. This is a beautiful entry! I had goosebumps when I read the name Rebecca Grace. I remember reading about your friend a few weeks ago. Thank you for sharing!

    Bree, OBS Facebook Leader

    1. Thank you Bree for your continued support in my struggles and writing. I too got goosebumps from the name and I couldn't believe how perfect it was when I looked up the meaning. Like I shared, I love how God works in all the details :)

  2. What a beautiful post, Kat. Thank you for being so vulnerable and open in your sharing. I love how God speaks to us and comforts us through so many different ways, including dreams. May He continue to heal those tender places as you seek Him. So excited to be on this Bible Study journey with you! Blessings, sweet sister! ~Shelly (OBS Leader)

    1. Shelly, One of the things I've treasured most about the OBS experience is that the Lord is teaching me to be vulnerable and open through it and in my sharing. I spent most of my life building walls and pretending I was strong, which only gave the enemy a foothold over my heart and mind and led me down the path of pain and lonliness. I believed that being vulnerable meant opening myself up to being hurt by others, but God is showing me that it's in him we put our trust, not others and that we are to share are struggles in order to help others. Like Linda Kuhar wrote in the last week she was teaching us: "When we are vulnerable with one another, this allows an opportunity for healing and God's truth to penetrate our lives." I have definately found this to be true. With each post, there is victory in my heart over the devil's footholds and my hope and prayer is that, in sharing, his foothold in other's lives is being defeated as well. Thank you for your feedback and support. May God continue to bless others through you!