Spiritual Vitamins

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It seems that lately I’ve had so many questionable feelings, to the point where I can feel no more; only numbness.  The conflicting emotions have slowed my brain like a drug, taking over the realization that it is my turn to lead this dance.  Instead, I find myself waltzing around in a circle of confusion, battling myself every step of the way.  It’s as though a civil war has erupted inside of me and I’m frozen right in the crossfire of my own thoughts.  I sit here lost in the whirlwind of arrows buzzing by, not knowing which one is pointing in the right direction.  I try to find my way, but the smoke from the bombardment of mixed feelings has stolen my sense of direction and is slowly smothering me.  I run this way and that, finding myself advanced to the front line, where there are no more trenches to shelter me from the battle, only an open field of illusional freedom staring me in the face.

I wrote that sixteen years ago, as a senior in high school who was facing graduation and the prospect of going out into the world on my own for the first time.  I share it with you today because, to me, it illustrates what life looks like when facing it without God…or at least a life without leaning on His strength, power, and wisdom for help and guidance.   It is a painting of a battle met in confusion and ending in defeat because it is one that we can only recognize and win in Him.  It is the battle that is raging all around us for our hearts, our minds, and our souls - the spiritual warfare that the Bible speaks of and warns us about...

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” ~Ephesians 6:10-12

When I finally decided to face my fear and begin a blog, I didn’t know a whole lot about actually creating one, but one thing I did know is that it needed to center around something in regards to my journey with Christ as a believer.  And so I prayed for direction, and the more I prayed and thought, the more it was confirmed to me that what was central to so many of my struggles in my walk was the one in distinguishing between what came from God’s Word vs. what had been engrained in me through the world.  It also became clear to me that what I needed to focus on to change all of this was Romans 12:2a: “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”  And so my main topic, or “theme” if you will, was chosen.  What I didn’t yet realize even then however, is just how big this battle that I was squaring up to face in my life – the spiritual warfare - truly was.  This has slowly been becoming clearer and clearer to me as I’ve pressed into God’s Word and shared some of those personal battles here over the past year, and in particular, through the reading of Tracie Miles book, “Stressed-Less Living,” through Melissa Taylors Online Bible Studies which I’m participating in right now.

If you’ve been following my blog at all, then you’re already aware that there has been a battle waging over my physical health.  One that I have been consumed with and been crying out to God over, wanting to know why – why he allowed it to happen to me and why I wasn’t finding healing.   It has been a central focus of mine for years and one that you’ve learned I had come to see as a giant in my life that couldn’t be defeated.  But then you’ve also learned with me that the real giant that I’ve been facing hasn’t in fact been my physical struggles at all, but instead is really fear – a fear fed by my constant focus on my problems and a fear fed by the enemy in my lack of focus on Christ.

“It is our choice who will have dominion over our lives – the evil one or the Holy One…We have to be ready for the war that is being waged against our hearts each and every day by staying connected to our Savior.” ~Tracie Miles, “Stressed-Less Living” pg. 130

I was so enthralled by my struggles that I had become like an eagle that, while zeroed in on its prey, had not realized it’d circled down into crow territory and therefore was caught unexpectedly by the assault waged on it, causing it to have to pull back up with empty talons.  Over and over, day after day, week after week, month after month I did this, almost giving it up for good in defeat.  Thankfully though, God has reminded me that the strength and victory of the eagle comes from its ability to soar higher than the crows and that I too am able to soar high like an eagle out of the enemy’s reach when I keep my trust in Him.

“But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength.  They will soar high on wings like eagles.  They will run and not grow weary.  They will walk and not grow faint.” ~Isaiah 40:31

“Run and not grow weary…walk and not grow faint.”   I’ve been put to the test in this already as I again began to face my “battle of the bulge” with my rejuvenated faith.  Yesterday morning, I decided to take my exercise out into the beautiful sunshine of God’s creation and go for a walk on a trail by the river near our house.  This is something that I know sounds simple enough to those without physical limitations, but to my frustration, has proven to be quite the challenge for me every time in the past.  This time, though I knew the challenges would not be gone, I was determined not to allow them to lead me down the path of frustration and failure.  Immediately I was tested in this.  Lucky for me though, I had just read chapter nine of “Stressed-Less Living,” that same morning, and Tracie’s words were still fresh in my mind:

“Real strength results from persistent communication and fellowship with him and allowing his words to guide us through each day…Fully trusting in the Lord is where we draw the kind of strength we need – that spiritual infusion of power that comes from daily devotion to biblical principles.  It is this constant connection with God that will enable us to be transformed and empowered by him.” ~pages 178, 179

Remembering this came in handy when I realized the number of challenges I was already going to have to overcome just to get the stroller that I needed to push my daughter in while I walked.  The pre-rejuvenated Katrina would have possibly allowed these obstacles to be reason enough to quit before even getting started and would have likely taken out the frustration of this by texting her husband a sarcastic thank you for the location in which the stroller was put, but the stressed-less Katrina, in knowing that her husband had no idea she was going to need the stroller,  decided to talk to God instead, admitting she couldn’t retrieve the stroller on her own and was trusting in him and his strength to help her get to it and get it down, out, and into the car.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” ~Philippians 4:13

Though it was not a quick and pain free process, this go-to power verse repeated over and over again under my breath worked and I was eventually on my way down the road to the river.  However, I knew that the challenges were not yet over.  I knew I would need additional arsenal for the battle I was about to face.  Again, my mind went back to something Tracie had written which I had read that morning:

“If you are hungering for not only stress relief but also a renewed spirit and a healthier outlook on life, cry out for the nourishment that God provides.  Consider taking some spiritual vitamins in the coming months and allow God to feed your soul.” ~pg. 190

I began to list out in my mind all the “spiritual vitamins” that I could think of during the short couple mile drive down the road: reading God’s Word, devotionals, Christian books/studies – a daily quiet time with the Lord…worship, attending church, fellowship with other believers…writing, serving others, giving/tithing…praying ceaselessly…out of all these, I knew the last one would be my first line of defense while walking, for as Tracie says on pg. 195, “Prayer is a weapon that nobody can ever take away from us, not even our worst enemy.”

Almost immediately upon beginning my walk, I was greeted by the all-too-familiar pain that pierced through my shoulders and neck into the base of my skull with every pounding step on the asphalt below my feet.  Though the pain itself didn’t catch me off guard, the fact that it came so quickly did, and in that brief unprotected moment, I allowed a negative thought to creep through my mind where the enemy was almost allowed a foot-hold.  Instead, I turned to God, praying my situation, my pain, myself into His loving and gracious hands. 

“God can effortlessly still the brutal waves in the raging sea of our lives, but we have to put our lives in his hands before he can do so.” ~Tracie Miles, “Stressed-Less Living pg. 195

For the first half of my walk this is how it would go.  Though I was not pain free, I was not pain focused, which was a victory all of its own.  A victory that I was celebrating until shortly after I reached the half-way mark and had turned around to head back in the direction I had come.  It was then that I met my first distraction…and my second…and my third.  All in row, one after the other, runners zipped by me with ease and in their wake the thoughts: “Lord, why can’t I run… Why is even walking so hard?” were left in my mind.  I had come to a crossroads at that point.  A crossroads I had come upon so many times before.  The thing is, even though I may not be able to physically run, I can choose to allow my thoughts to race towards the devil where I inevitably find myself held captive in negativity, or I can choose to run to the throne of God and receive his mercy and grace.

“So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God.  There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.” ~Hebrews 4:16

We are so blessed to have a God that loves us so much that no matter how many times we mess up, no matter how many times we choose the wrong path, no matter how many times we do not choose him, he still always offers us an alternate route – an escape route - and is there waiting patiently to welcome us back onto the right track.  He did this for me on my walk.  Though I had veered dangerously towards the embankment of defeat again, this time I saw the blinking caution light and was able to straighten back out thanks to the morning’s regimen of spiritual vitamins I had taken in and as I ventured down this escape route from God, I was reminded of yet another important, but often overlooked and/or forgotten spiritual vitamin by my daughter…

Sometimes you have to stop and take the time to smell the flowers, for it is in doing so that we are reminded of God’s great grandeur – the beauty and wonder of his creation...so much of His truth and wisdom is reflected in this.

Just in my short little walk I noticed how the birds always sing joyfully all while they are about their business working, just as we should always be joyful when going about our business in our day.  And in watching the river flow swiftly over the rocks, I was reminded how God uses the currents of our lives to polish away all our rough edges and make us shine.  Then there’s the salmon that swim up this very river every fall against the current, so much like believers constantly swimming against the currents of this world, fighting for the spreading and survival of Christianity in future generations…and we can’t forget the hawk – the one circling overhead hunting for its prey just like Satan was circling my thoughts and my heart all throughout my walk, searching for the smallest of weakness to prey upon…yes, taking a break to marvel at God’s creation is vital to our spiritual walks.

As my walk came to a close and I was loading everything back up into my car, one more thought from chapter nine came into my mind.  On page 179, Tracie wrote: “Let’s imagine God had a camera and began taking pictures of people who were pillars of strength in his eyes.  What types of snapshots do you think he would take?”  As I drove home I found myself not only pondering what type of people he’d be photographing, but also whether or not I’d be in any of his daily collages of pictures.  While I knew that I likely had not been among those photographs shot in a long while, I wondered whether perhaps, just maybe, I had made the grade that day, and it is in this thought that I’ve found my new focus – something greater to strive for than just losing weight or getting in shape.  Every day in working out my struggles – physical, emotional, and spiritual alike – I will strive to be that pillar of strength in the Lord in which He, our God captures with his lens, for I want to be found pictured among the strong in God, rather than the weak in spirit.

“If you are searching for a weapon to fight your stress, don’t look to the ways of the world.  Don’t allow the devil to fill your head with lies that drugs, alcohol, physical pleasures, or random coping mechanisms are the only choice you have.  Choose God, his Word, prayer and spiritual vitamins.  As you fight the battle with these tools, you will also be simultaneously choosing your victory.” ~Tracie Miles, “Stressed-Less Living” pg. 196

“God’s desire is that you surrender all that is weighing you down.  If you choose only one weapon to fight off your stress, let God’s Word be it.” Pg. 185

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” ~Proverbs 4:23