A Gift From Above

“You know what I long for, Lord; you hear my every sigh…” (Psalm 38:9)

As I opened my eyes to the morning light streaming through my bedroom blinds, I quickly realized it was just a dream.  With the name “Rebecca Grace” still ringing in my ears, I re-closed my eyes and, in hope of falling back into that glorious state, began thinking back through the visions that had just moments before played out in my mind while slumbering so peacefully – visions that had filled my whole being with a happiness that had brought forth real tears of joy -tears in which were now trickling slowly down my cheeks. 

While dabbing at those tears with the sheets, the light from the room in my dream filled my mind once more.  Its soft white glow, like that which streaks through a wall of clouds in the sky when the sun’s moved behind them, lit the rooms surroundings, giving all the details and the edges of it that familiar, fuzzy, dream-like appearance.  Though I was wide awake this time, all the contents of the room again sprang into view - from the stark white color that seemingly poured over everything from floor to ceiling, to the two woman, who were also clothed in white, that were moving quietly but purposefully about the room preparing.  Then there was me on a bed, where I had sat peacefully, comfortably, and silently in the dream, watching and wondering just who these two women were and what were they preparing for – two questions for which I now already knew the answers to.  They were the two Mary’s…the two from the Bible…the two who were with Jesus through His crucifixion on the cross, and they were there to deliver a baby…for me…a baby girl who they’d call Rebecca Grace as they’d handed her into my arms.

Again, tears welled up in my eyes and spilled over, only this time I let them freely flow.  Opening my eyes, I quietly peeled back the covers and tiptoed over to my desk.  I had to know.  Why Rebecca Grace? ...

Not My Goliath

It was a Friday evening, late in the five o’clock hour, the tenth day of the month.  I remember it like it was yesterday – the day and time my labor for my daughter began.  It had been a sunny day, blue skies, little in the way of clouds - warm for a spring day in April…for North Idaho that is.  My husband had come home and taken me out to lunch at one of our favorite joints – Red Robin.  I ordered the chicken teriyaki sandwich with fries and tartar and distinctly remember feeling like every person’s eyes in that restaurant were on me, casting their disgusted looks my way, and shaking their heads in horror as the waitress set down my plate.  In my head I heard them saying, “How could she have ordered that when she can barely even fit into the booth?!”  Which was true, my stomach was uncomfortably touching the table in front of me, but it was me, not the other diners that had been casting the disgusted looks…well, they could’ve been too, I don’t know because in my shame I hadn’t even looked up beyond my plate, never mind into their eyes.  Gaining seventy pounds when the normal weight gain of a pregnancy is twenty to thirty can tend to do that to a girl, yet here I was eating a giant plate of fattening food four days after my due date anyway.

It was a nice gesture on my husband’s part though – him wanting to take me out.  It was supposed to be a treat – one last hoorah for the two of us to do something together before the baby came.  There wasn’t much conversation going on however.  My husband was self-employed in an industry that the downturn in the economy was not kind too.  There hadn’t been consistent work since before the snow had hit that winter.  Our savings were gone.  Little to no work was lined up for the future.  Taxes were due in five days.  We had no idea how we were going to pay them.  We owed thousands.  We also had no rent money beyond May…yet here we were, about to have our first child…and eating out like we didn't have a care in the world , but in truth, we had no idea what we were doing...

Seek First

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"But seek":  to pursue with all our heart, mind, and soul.  This is a response I’ve acquired naturally through my driven personality in many areas of my life, and yet it has not come so easily to me when it comes to God.  To seek a career with all my heart, mind, and soul – sure, I did that for eight years with a grueling and intense focus that could not be thwarted by any obstacles that stood in my way.  I jumped over them like an Olympic hurdler running for the gold.  To seek a home with all my heart, mind, and soul – yes, I did this also with nearly two years of unwavering focus as we looked through house after house after house with no success.  Again all the mounting obstacles did not stop me from continuing to pursue that dream.  I pushed through them like a plow moves aside the snow on a highway during a storm.   But then to seek the things of God, His Word, His truth, His will – in this I’ve floundered over and over again.  Like a fish that’s trying to swim back into open water when it’s been caught by the fisherman’s hook, I have been hung up on the simplest of obstacles that have been cast my way by the world and through the schemes of the devil, struggling and fighting to swim back into those open waters where the freedom of God so patiently and lovingly awaits me.

“But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.” ~Deuteronomy 4:29

“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” ~2 Chronicles 7:14

"But seek first": to put above all else...